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Laser beam-eyeballed scribe Tricia Walsh-Smith, whom you may remember from 1987, when she created a stir and "broke professional grounds" as the "talk of the town and the Writers Guild" at the tender age of 46, has been wronged, people.
T.W.-S.
Court TV programmers: take note.
Dear Swoosie: Congrats! The surger(ies)(s)(s)(s)(s)(s) paid off! You look incredibly young and attractive now!
And not at all like you're seconds away from Pushing [Up] Daisies*.
Love,
The Universe
[ABC, Wednesdays at 8]
[best picture currently available]
The revival of Chicago celebrated its 10th year and 4,163rd performance on Broadweigh in a star-studded gala event on Tuesday, November 14th at the Ambassador Theatre. The evening benefited Safe Horizon, which provides support, prevents violence and promotes justice for victims of crimes and abuse, their families and communities. The stars came out in full force!
Brooke Shields, currently in rehearsals to return to the show as sleazy lawyer, Billy Flynn...
the astounding-looking Marilu Henner, who litchrally hasn't aged since the 1970s...
Bebe Neuwirth, who bravely faced the media after her dress was stolen from its garment bag...
Mrs. Tom Hanks, whose fascination has always eluded us...
Somebody McSometherson who rouged her knees and rolled her stockings down...
Kristin Chenoweth, who has nothing whatsoever to do with Chicago, but there were cameras there, so....
and, of course, CHEETS®...
...and, uh, CHEETS®(?)
We here at The Most Important Blog Ever Created are bringing you the latest in shopping on the interwebs: Celebrity Poo!
At BlackPitchPress.com , they're having a major clearance on Dr. Drew's fecal matter ($7.95 for how much we're not sure, but it's got to be a lot of it since they're overstocked). For the more extravagant shit collectors, Jack Black's butt fudge can be had for the odd price of $92.00. Not $90, not $95, but $92!!! Sarah Jessica Parker is very careful about where she leaves her doodies so they only have some bacteria and skin cells from her...but WHAT BACTERIA! Classy, indeed. Under a microscope you can see them all sipping manolo's or whatever they drank on that inane show.
Unfortunately, they are all out of Short Round's skin cells, so all you Ke Huy Quan cloning enthusiasts are "shit" out of luck (?). Ah ha ha!
"You know, I am wond-ew-een, what is in de bags?!?"
The Mussel Juice Shopping Guide, Vol I, Issue 2!
In our latest edition of our sporadic feature, we review the latest in useless and extravagant products for people with too much pesky money cluttering up their pocketbooks:
IT'S THE TRAMPOLINE COFFEE TABLE!!!!
Yes, for only FOUR THOUSAND FIVE HUNDRED U.S. DOLLARS, you too can have an elegant place, right in front of your couch, to rest your fine priceless crystal stemware and also do boisterous acrobatic jumping stunts. So pour the martinis, put on your knee pads and start bouncing around like crazy! You'll flip for this latest addition to your elegant soirees/gymnastics tournaments. We at Mussel Juice remind you of the 91,870 annual hospital emergency room-treated injuries associated with trampolines. But, anyway, have fun!
"I will regard this great honor not so much as an award for what I have
achieved, but a standard to hold against what I have yet to accomplish.
"
-Katharine Smith
The Mini-Eve Harrington of L.D. Bell High School in Hurst, Texas faces up to 20 years in prison for putting Clorox in her rival's soda pop. Katharine Smith, who was the understudy in her high school production of the aptly named "Ha!" attempted to make the 15 year-old lead actress ill by putting a corrosive poison in a bottle of Mountain Dew she had bought to give the beautiful ingenue before her peformance, an act of cold, calculated evil. Apparently, Smith had told her parents and family that she would, in fact, be starring in the school play, and with everyone coming from miles around to see it, she just HAD to do SOMETHING! So she tried to poison her to death.
Principal Addison DeWitt was heard to tell Smith as she was being arrested for attempted murder: "You're an improbable person, Eve, I mean, er..Katharine, but so am I. We have that in common. Also a contempt for humanity, an inability to love or be loved, insatiable ambition - and talent. We deserve each other."
Smith then blinked dramatically before being whisked away in handcuffs by two guys in fedoras.
Borderline demented television and stage star Angela Lansbury really got into the spirit of yesteryear and nostalgia when she showed up at a 2006 Broadway performance of The Drowsy Chaperone wearing one of Lucy Ricardo's old daytime ensembles, complete with matching hat.
A clearly terrified Georgia Engel in an ill-fitting wig gamely ignores Angie's period outfit.
(Daytime dress by Pat Perkins; Millinery by Molloy's Hat Shop)
We here at the Most Important Blog Ever Created realized it was time to introduce a new ongoing feature to our already informative and helpful list of, um, features. Here it is:
The Mussel Juice Shopping Guide!
In this regular feature, we'll help you find the latest in inconvenience and uselessness with products that will enhance frustration and complication in our readers lives. Enjoy!
The PoshAir Pre-Crash Body Bag!
Make
the job of recovering your corpse easier on emotionally taxed rescue
workers with this advancement in pre-death corpse containment! The
PoshAir Body Bag is designed to hold your entire body in a sanitary and
spill-proof sack, making dismembered body parts easier to locate and
eliminating the need for costly search dogs (in the event of a land
crash).
Also available in baby sizes!
Via: Strange New Products
The Holly Hobbie Period Rag after the jump!
